No Hair

So I have wrestled with this one. I was told without a doubt that I will lose my hair. I am ok with that, usually. It seems it can be painful so we have decided that we will buzz my hair on Sat, Dec 28th. Thought we would do it when John was off and when G was preoccupied by her Grandparents. It was also suggested the eyelashes, eyebrows will fall out in a couple weeks so G will have time to adjust to my bald head before that happens.

G seems ok with the idea but is thinking ahead and asked if I could wear a wig on her birthday so her friends dont laugh. Poor kid.

It has challenged me a bit too. And I will admit when someone say... "It is just hair" I want to scream. Its easy to say if you arent faced with losing it. I have never had short hair and not only will I be bald for at least 6months it will take a year before I will even have a pixie cut and years before it will be the length it is now. Hair is apart of your personality.

That being said I am taking this opportunity to teach my daughter that I have the confidence to stand proud. Hair or no hair. I want to show her style in other ways. Well not everyday cause hats will be a staple in my wardrobe but when I am up to it.

The positves, well there are many... No more coloring my greys, no hat head, no blow dryer or straightening iron. I will save money on shampoo, haircuts (wont need them) and time... Way less time to get ready.

So I am going to buy some hats, learn how to tie a scarf, shop for a wig and try to rock my new bald head.

Thank you for your love and support. Hugs xoxo

Progress...

We are making progress. I completed the 5wks of daily radiation and as of this Wednesday I will also have completed 3wks of internal radiation. Whoo hoo!!! I will admit I feel like I was violated but its all for a good cause. Do to some bad roads John and G came with me to treatment last week. I have gotten pretty comfortable in the hospital (and walking around in a hospital gown) but it was hard for them. G got car sick on the way home. Poor kid it is such a long drive.

During the blizzard last week I was lucky to be scheduled for my heart tests at a closer hospital. Kinda funny cause I drove thru a blizzard so my heart must have been a little elavated...haha. They take blood from you then mix it with radioactive material wait 20min then put the blood back in you. They took me into a room to discuss the procedure and sometimes keep you calm if you panic about getting the radioactive blood put in. I laughed... I am already radioactive and have been for weeks. Its all good, think I made them feel better about procedure...haha.

We are so happy that we have our first chemo date. It is Mon, Jan 6th. John will go with me. My body needs to recover a bit from all the radiation and so happy to do that during the holidays while we are surrounded by family and friends.

We have 3 friends and a family member who have lost someone to cancer this year and another friend with a family member battling. They will be facing the holidays without them. We are thinking of them at this time and counting our blessings that I can wrap my arms around my family and celebrate the season. Christmas blessing has taken on a whole new meaning.

Please know we are so thankful for all of your love and support. I will continue to fight hard as we head into this next step. Its gonna be a quick 6 months I hope. And with this crazy cold weather I will act like a bear... And hibernate.

Hugs xoxo

Remembrance

Update... I realized that is has been almost a month since I have posted anything. The good news is I have completed 19 treatments so far. So that means 6 more external then we move on to internal. The internal can only be done once a week so it will take 3 wks to complete. We then begin chemo. Crossing our fingers that they will wait until after Christmas but happy to start whenever they choose. I am still driving and it takes 3hrs a day (the drive is 2hrs) and they said I can still drive with internal. I have been listening to Katy Perry's new song "Roar" on my drive, love it! I also listen to classical music to get me mellowed out before getting to the hospital so I have been given the gift of music again. Trying to remember what it is giving me (this disease that is) instead of what it is trying to take away. It definately challenges me and my family but we are determined to fight hard. However I said I would treat this as my new job, I am doing that and I do arrive on time and am taking the suggestions from the medical team on how to deal with side effects. Honestly though this is far from my dream job... really far (haha). I miss my old job. It really is work, the side effects are the part I dont enjoy but I am sure every job has a down side. Oh ya they don't pay me at my new job. That is a downside too... haha I really should have asked more questions in the interview.

Today is Remembrance Day and as we remember I think of the battles they fought and realize what I owe them... the chance to fight another day. Thinking of the family we have lost and honoring those that continue to fight. What a gift we have been given all because of others sacrifices.  Freedom.

Hugs xoxo

Radiation begins...

Good Morning,
It feels like a good morning for me, treatment begins. So as I see it this is like starting a new job. Essentially I have a new job and it is Cancer. There are some simalarities to my actual job and this "new" one such as the drive. Actually I much prefer driving to Priddis , the scenery is amazing and it is so peaceful abd only 40min. The daily drive to the hospital is 1.5hrs and well... the scenery is traffic. If I were at my other job I would be drinking coffee  but here at Tom Baker I drink this contrast water ( kinda like chlorine). If I were at Priddis I would be paying the bills and recording payments, here at Tom Baker I am waiting for forms to be signed by doctors. So although  there are some simalarities there are also some differences. For instance at my "real" job I am expected to dress business casual here at Tom Baker I spend  most of my time  naked. Yes I know you are thinking...what kind of job did I say I had? It is Cancer, leave your dignity at the door...haha. So my job descriptions are also quite different... at Priddis I take care of A/R, A/P, all cash processing, answer phones and process all grats for staff. New job... I get treatment, manage side effects, stay positive, exercise and eat healthy.

So you see it was just like starting any other new job, I picked out an outfit to wear, packed my lunch and water bottle and headed off. Yes if I am being honest I am a little nervous ... but who isnt when they start a new job ( or when they are radioactive... haha). But really I am exciting cause I am fighting and will apply the same hard work and dedication to this job as I do my real job. I will show up early, and do what needs doing all with a smile on my face.

So I must get back to work as this is my lunch break and I need to get back to work.

I appriciate all the support , hugs xoxo

Results are in...

Thank you everyone for your support it has and continues to mean so much to us. It was a very long day and I apologize for not posting last night but after getting home we crashed. Our goal was to be healthy enough to do treatment and that is what we are. I was given a diagnosis of Stage 2 and that means we can do treatment. I knew because it had spread before surgery and so quickly that we were not stage 1 but there was a possibility that if it spread in the last 5 wks again that it would be stage 4 that was a fear but did not happen. Yay!!!

After 3 yes 3 internal exams ( not sure how that was for my husband to witness) from my oncoligist, the head radiologist and a student since it is a teaching hospital. Then they discussed options of treatment but first our Dr told us he was happy to say no new growths. Whewwwww. John and I took a breath for the first time in weeks, months really.

The cancer is still there but on a microscopic level. Sarcoma is tricky and likes to hide and attach so yes there is a risk if it attacking again so we are attacking it agressivley with treatment. They as John would say are going after it "all gunz a blazin". Next week I get more Ct scans, bloodwork, etc then I begin the next battle. I will do 5 wks of daily external radiation then 1 wk of internal radiation followed by chemo every 2 wks for 6 months. Over 7 months of treatment... Look out cancer. Alot of zapping should beat it and kill it. Cant say I will miss it once it is gone. Say goodbye cancer we are going in for the kill.

The treatment also kills healthy cells so there will be side effects but good news is eventually health cells will repair themselves. So I will keep as healthy and rested as possible. I will deal with things as they come. I know I will be exhausted and I may lose my hair, my nails, I may sleep some days all day but hair grows back and so will I. I will be better and stronger than ever.

Although we will never know the future we now know that we can plan one. Whewww!!! Yes we had to discuss and plan for a stage 4 diagnosis too and although it was painful it was necessary. It gave us the chance to discuss  living our life and dreams. What we wanted for our family. A second chance at life really.

We knew that it was going to be a marathon not a sprint. I have healed well from surgery and  will bounce back from treatment just as succsessfully. Thanks to the love and support we have recieved.

Xoxo

Today I am off to get a tooth pulled, the dentist couldnt touch me till I stopped the blood thinners.

Our vision board

We are focusing on keeping positive. We made a vision board today. We included HEALTH as a focus but also included some other really important visions. We put FAMILY, home, travel with visions of Las Vegas and Disneyland and closer to home Vancouver and interior BC. We added Triumph, Long Life, Happiness, Laughter and Celebrate. For fun we also added... Millionaire, cash & prizes figured it couldn't hurt... Haha.

Then we decorated for fall which was entertaining and good for some laughter too. See we decorated with some hay bales and plastic pumpkins then realized today was a windy day. Hay and pumpkins all over... Haha. We made a craft about giving thanks. We are going to add a new thank you everyday. We will post a thank you Thursday after our appt... Thank you for good news, fingers crossed. Now to get my Doctor, Nurses and Patholigist on the same page as us. I can be very persuasive... Just ask my husband. :-)

So much living, loving and giving for us to do and such a wonderful future ahead. We are creating a new path filled with happy memories.

Thank you to our family and friends for your support.
Hugs xoxo

NEW date

Got a new appt date for next Thursday. Thanks to Heather and Dayna for helping out.

We stayed focused and positive today by doing another Terry Fox walk at Georgia's school. G took off running, I walked it was so awesome everyone was doing the run/walk and students cheerleading all along the way. After there was a band, and a party at the school. It was the perfect afternoon.
Thanks to my amazing daughter for her positive energy. Thanks to Charlotte for walking with me and Myra for running for me at her school.
So very blessed I am.
We were able Hugs
Xoxo

FRUSTRATED...

So I was to finally get my results tomorrow. I have kept busy all week trying to get to Thursday... Then I get a call today. Appointment for tomorrow is cancelled. What? I went to a healing touch appt yesterday and tried to keep busy today. I am starting to go crazy waiting for results. Need to know what we are facing. But no control so... We WAIT. I will keep positive do some meditation and wait. Aghhhh. Ok that was my vent. Cannot be stressed or feel stressed so I will move forward.

Thanks for the support.
Hugs:)

Times like this...

This weekend is the Terry Fox run. We are doing it. Although we were not given the ok to run since it is too soon after surgery. We are going to walk the 2k. He was truly an inspiration and he was 1 man trying to make a difference. I remember Mom and I doing the Terry Fox run after Dad died and the feelings even as a kid about what he  (Terry Fox) accomplished, how amazing. When explaining my cancer to Georgia she seemed to understand. Then one day she overheard me on the phone saying I had sarcoma like Terry Fox. When I got off the phone she said Mommy... Are you going to die like Terry Fox? Hard question for a little girl to ask and me to answer. But instead we talked about what Terry Fox did, what he accomplished for cancer research. We talked about how we can make a difference in the world and how miracles can happen. Kids learn about Terry Fox journey every year and they participate in the run. It has been taking place for over 30 years. So important to share stories of heros with our kids. I think it helped her understand our diagnosis.

So our family will walk tomorrow to help us believe and show our daughter what miracles look like.
Xoxo

Believe in miracles... Terry Fox did

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItYWA5BGe40&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The link is not working but if you go to you tube and search Terry Fox it is the Times like this video it is about 5min long. It is motivational and amazing. He spent the last years of his life raising awareness. Unbelievable.

Another try...

So I sadly posted awhile ago about my anger at cancer and the fact that it stole my opportunity to go out with my husband. I refused to let it win. My Mom left on Sunday so on Sat we sent G out with her grandparents and John and I went out for dinner by ourselves. I still have a hard time getting comfortable so we chose a restaurant with soft chairs ( also good food). Dinner was awesome and it was so nice going out the last time was in April. We thought lets go to a movie too. While by the time I slowly walked back to the car and spend forever getting in my seat we knew the movie would have to wait. One step at a time.
We have the choice. I have the choice to be angry (which I have been sometimes) or I can choose to just accept it and make the best of it. I choose to make the best of it.
Cancer has changed me already, not just by the inside (or scars on the outside), it is changing me. It has made me worry less... Ok well more specifically have less fear. Which is ironic cause I am worried and fearful about the cancer. I am less fearful about living my life. If you think about it I never used to post on facebook or request friends or even "like" a status. I kept to myself. But thanks to cancer ( I know weird to thank cancer) I am participating in life with my families and my friends.

Thank you as always for being such a source of strength, support, wisdom and for just being there.
Hugs xoxo

Our weekend

Well we tried to keep busy this weekend. We ( John) picked the veg from the garden then made pickles.This was John's second year with a garden and it is amazing. A wise cousin of mine reminded me to keep busy and that will help time pass. So we made snack bags for Georgia to take to school. She colored the butterflies and we both had fun doing something together. We made 35 cause we had no idea how many kids in her class.

Georgia had testing with juijitsu and got her orange belt. Whoo hoo. She really wanted to have her hair cut to her shoulders so we started by cutting 5inches off. It was at her butt so she needed it cut. We also had a fashion show courtesy of Georgia. She picked out school outfits for two weeks put them on hangers with shoes and headbands for each outfit.

See very busy. Felt like a normal weekend. Felt like a healthy normal person. Forgot for a moment that I have cancer... Then my husband came at me with a shot. Ouch ok it was nice while it lasted.
Hugs xoxo

More waiting...

So we were told possibly 2wks post surgery that we would get pathology results. It is exactly 2wks so I spoke to a nurse today and she said my tumours go to a tumour board first. So that means they sit at a round table with my results and discuss treatment options. How much chemo, how soon etc. Then they call me. I have an appt for Sept 19th but like surgery that can change. So we wait...
Xoxo

I did get the ok to drive next week but only to drive Georgia to her dayhome. It is something.

Week 2 post surgery

Ok we are IMPATIENTLY waiting for news this week. Seems weird to say I want to start chemo but I want to keep going with my treatment. My hair and I spent some time together and decided we are ready to part ways. I have a lead in some good anti-nausea drugs, I have some blankets, books etc to take with me to treatment. So although I said my hospital vacation didnt meet my expectations I am ready to try another trip.

Georgia is so excited to start school and I am so glad. Her zest for life keeps me focused.

If I say it a million times it will still never be enough but THANK YOU. Thank you for your support and love we are so very grateful.

Stay tuned...
More exciting posts are coming soon as I am feeling better so the negative energy is disappearing.
Xoxo

Not a typical Saturday date night...

So It is a Saturday night and my Mom is here visiting ( and that only happens a couple times a year) John and I really should be taking advantage of having free  babysitting. This is when I say... STUPID cancer. You see I tried to get dressed in something other than pj's and put on some make up but needed my husbands help. John made us all a wonderful dinner. Then he proceeded to give me a shot ( which made me cry cause I am bruised now, he felt bad) then he had to take off  some surgical tape from my insision and replace. Not fun. So today I am angry at cancer. Whew ok that is it, there is my 5min of  complaining. Gotta move forward, negative or angry thoughts never helped a situation. Not used to not being able to do anything on my own and needing help. But they are doing it because they love me and I will make it up to them and everyone else.

So no real updates here, we wait and hope to hear next week. They will tell us when and how much chemo and if we are doing radiation too. So surgery... check and step 2 getting closer.  I will post news when I get it. In the meantime I am sending my husband outside to drink beer with our neighbours,  salvage his night.

Goldilocks and the three bears...

So I am home and feeling mixed about it. You see I feel a little like Goldilocks ( I am looking nothing like her, I more resemble one of the bears) anyway... Getting home riding in the car was a challenge, poor John was driving like a senior (no offence) so slow both hands on the wheel. So once we arrive home I am hungry since I havent had solids in days but its all too something nothing tastes just right. Then I try to get comfortable but the recovery bed is too hard and the couch too squishy nothing that feels just right. So I think I just wanna go to bed ( aghhh my own bed) but our bed is too high and too soft so Georgia offers her bed which is too low. So the upstairs couch although not perfect will have to be just right for know.
I finally get to shower which was awesome. John and G holding my hand and washing my hair. Alot work to come home.
So I take my drugs and pain still there so I take another... Well the next thing you know I am so outta it I am convinced I am a ghost and we live in England and John is re-married. John is awake lying there and I still dont believe him. Then I say maybe I should go back to the hospital? I am going crazy. He says I hour at a time.

So today is better and I can find a spot to sit, something to eat and a place to lie. Georgia has gotton over how scary I look and is playing with friends and raiding the freezer for popcicles. Mom & Terry have arrived so John is not trying to juggle being a parent and a cabana boy. Actually my cabana boy is giving me needles and drugs so he is a a nurse too.

Thank you for all the support, the encouragement, flowers, food and help. We are forever grateful.

Xoxo
Ps... The pic is just stuff from hospital John is getting more supplies from walmart.

Our next journery is staple removal on tuesday. Good times.

Back to patience... Again

So we will need to wait for 2-3wks to get results from pathology. We discussed the chemo being needed but no date yet. I feel better than yesterday for sure. Ways to go but am off the catheder, off the heavy drugs and had a blood transfusion so getting color back. I am gonna try to sleep cause they still take vitals every 2 hours throughout the night. Thanks to everyone. I will be home soon.  XOXO
I may have misplaced my humor this last few posts but not my spirit I promise.

Hi...its me

I am thinking I need to chat with my travel agent. This vacation sucks. Well at least the first 2 days. I still have a couple more so there is hope. I will be patient. Good news I got my cabana boy John here and a nurse. I made some friends though. I have a view or had a view I have been moved but my new room has more friends. I have been nursing a hangover of sorts from the drugs and I have a large bandage on my stomach so must of been partying it up. Don't remember alot.
Thanks for everything. I will be in touch soon.
Xoxo

......A child's book by any other name

10:18pm Long day.....

I just finished the long drive back to Okotoks from the hospital in the north of the city. My eyes were hurting, I'm surprised I didn't go off into the ditch..Not a big fan of the Deerfoot, less of a fan after the day I just had.

But on my way home my thought changed from Kim to Georgia and I had hopped that she had went to bed without fuss, and if story time was good.
Georgia has this book I like to read her some nights pending on what that days events were, or what the next will bring. It's called "Courage" and its great way to help a 7 year old with how to talk about swimming class today, a fall off a bike, a spelling test the next day. Or even a day before she has Jujitsu testing for a new belt.....she will need that for the boys as she gets older.

She gets it...courage.

I always thought I knew what that was. We all knew the side of the tracks I came from. But today I think I really saw it. REALLY saw it.
Today as I watched the Nurse take Kim away from me to lead her to the OR she let go of my hand and walked away....she turned to look back at me as she was going down the hall to who knows what...she was crying. She was scared,  and I was furious!  I almost lost it there.....I started to cry too. But what I thought of when she whent through that door down the end of the hall was how scared she must have been to walk that walk with me standing there fists clinched.

I have had 11 hours to think....about EVERYTHING. 

This fight started 8 weeks ago. And she just hit a major milestone in the battle againts cancer. I have always known Kim to be tough.  She would have to be, she married me. God knows I test her patience. 
The Doctor called me this afternoon, to tell me in about a 90 second conversation that he cut out everything that he wanted to get out of her. But he was still unsure if it has gone anywhere else on the microscopic level where there is still a very real fear of it doing.....man cancer sucks!
He told me that she went into the recovery ward and I would see her later in the evening, he would go over everything with us on Wednesday. So I sat in the hallway and waited.....

They told me I could see her for a bit before I had to go home, the first thing she said to me was "You need to eat something, it's been a long day. You must be tired" SHE said that to ME....I held her hand I kissed her forehead and I told her I would see her in the morning as she went to sleep......

You know, I think I have a new type of story that I going to start reading to Georgia at bed time now too.
I'm going to start reading her stories about Superheroes,  great courageous Superheroes.  Because they are real! I believe in them, I saw one today for the first time, and she happens to be my best friend.....
Kim, I'm so proud of you, every day you fight this you get stronger. We get stronger. My best friend, my partner, my wife, my WAY better half.  I love you so much. Keep it up babe, we got many more years of crime fighting ahead of us.

I will let everyone know any new details on Wednesday If I get them. Kim I'm sure will be back on here by then.

Have a good night,

Cheers.

John

All Gunz a Blazin!

Well here we go, its 1:30pm and they just took Kim into the OR area where I cant go.....Man that was hard. I dont know much right now, but we had what seemed to be a 100 people give or ask way too much information. I dont think I can remember it all, it was pretty crazy. Im told I wont hear anything until about dinner time.&nbsp; 6:00ish....Then I'll be taken to her unit where she will be for the next few days. So, right now I found a quiet corner somewhere on the 4th floor where I can be by myself with no noise around me. The chaos and action downstairs was alot for me. <br>
It was hard for me to see here leave down that hallway....Every time I have had to deal with emergencies she has been becide me holding my hand. 'Cause she knows how I get stressed and tence. But for now...I just sit here with my backpack and my fuit for lunch where its quiet and Ill wait...we are fighting this together today....but this time its a bit harder 'cause she is on a table somewhere and Im sitting in a hallway on the 4th floor.
Ill let you all know what happens later tonight after I get home.
For now,
Cheers.
John
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The night before my getaway...

Well I am all packed and ready to head out on my vacation. Check in is 11am. I sure do hope they have mini bar. I am hungry from not eating today and by midnight no more liquids either. I understand that they have robes and nightgowns in the rooms but they suggest you bring your own footwear. I signed up for a few activities while there... I am going for a "surgery"? I guess it is supposed to be very relaxing you lie on a table and they put you to sleep, sounds good. I am trying this new diet while there... they remove several items from your inside and it helps your health, good for the skin. I thought I would treat myself with a cabana boy to bring me drinks ( I booked it last minute so might get a nurse instead, crossing my fingers though). For the first few days of my stay I don't even have to feed myself, they put it in a tube and if you like they also give you meds ( they sound nummy). I am only staying till the weekend as there are other reservations that need my room.

So just a little getaway and I will be back soon, better than ever. I will be outta cell range and will not be checking my emails but don't worry my cabana boy  John will help you and answer any guestions.

Again cant take credit for the vacation idea for tonight's blog ... that is courtesy of my cousin Terry but gimme a break... I have cancer!... Not for much longer.
XOXO

"Unless someone like you cares an awful lot it's not going to get better it's not"...Dr Seuss- The Lorax

Hey everyone,

Thank you should have been my title to this post but the quote from Dr Seuss was really fitting as well. I (we  I think I can also speak for John) are so overwhelmed by everyone that cares an awful lot. We are grateful, thankful, humbled and so very appriciative! !!!
We have had a challenging few years- miscarriages,  1yr of failed fertility treatments, years of adoption courses and prep (only to be taken of the list ), the tragic loss of John's sister and 6months later his stepdad, then relocated his Mom. Now don' t get me wrong but maybe this cancer thing isn't a challenge... but instead a gift. I know what you are thinking, is she smoking some of that medical marijuana? No still never tried the stuff . I just think it is different this time. With all the other stuff we took it on ourselves. We didn't accept help or ask. We thought that we could do it alone but..."Unless someone like you cares an awful lot it's not going to get better it's not". And YOU all care an awful lot, we feel that so it WILL get better. Opening up to receiving is hard but " when we give ourselves permission to receive we are being told something else as well, something even more important, that we are worthy and deserving of all the love and support we need"-from a book called Ordinary Sparkling moments. Please don' t give me credit for all these quotes I am borrowing them ( I have cancer for crying out loud I can't think of them myself...haha). We just feel so loved and supported that I am having a hard time saying that this disease it all bad. Now ask me that Tuesday after they have taken my insides, I may have a few choice words for cancer then.

I would like to share some of the encouraging words we have received:

"Just want you to know that whatever happens we will be here to love and support you... Megan Ray-Kowalchuk"
"Georgia can sleep over, whatever you need, whatever you want... Alesha Manning"
" You are stronger than you know and you are allowed to be scared...Sheri Bourgoin"
"Tuesday, your surgery date, is a new beginning...Kim Armstrong"
"Your whole life and the way you view things really changes when your health is at risk... Bev Whitford"
" God remembered my address ... Kerri Burnside"

These are only a few but just wanted to say a giant thanks for the strength you are giving us. To our family, our friends and new friends...tks XOXO
I have one last quote to share before I go...
"What lies behind you and before you is not as important as what lies within you... Ralph Waldo Emerson"

Seriously beautiful right...WRONG... what lies within me is... cancer!  haha gotcha , no really it is about what lies within you... what does that mean if they are removing my insides, I can tell you what lies within me... LOVE!

A word from the Husband

This by far is the hardest thing I have personally ever had to face in my life. I have seen my fair share of issues in life that's for sure. But no matter what you go through in life, nothing can prepare you for learning that your wife has something destroying her.
I have been told I have big shoulders, and I know that I can keep somewhat in control in a stressful situation. But, panic, fear, anger are all just a few of the emotions I have gone through over the last couple of weeks. Kim always tells me that I'm a man, I feel the need to want to fix things.....well this one I cant fix.
I want to thank all of those people who are wanting to help us get through this. But like so many of you know I'm not a big talker, its a big step for me to even help on this blog. But I will update with news after surgery.

We have a very good friend that is helping us by coordinating all the offers of help that we have been given. Megan Ray-Kowalchuk is putting something together for us during our recovery time. So if you are asking how to help you can send Megan an email and ask her if you can help. Her email is:
meganray@telus.net

Thank you again for you support, 'till next time you hear from me.

Cheers,

John

Surgery date... Aug 13

Whoo hoo! Thank you Dr you rock. The cancer is being removed next tuesday. I guess I am excited?

But wait as my wise friend Alesha remined me it is also ok to be scared too. Wow very relieved but next week at this time I will be gutted like a fish and in the hospital. I am so excited to remove the parts to stop this cancer and find out what else is effected once they get inside. But nervous too.

Heck make up my mind huh? Happy, sad, relieved, scared... Check all of the above. Ok gotta go get bloodwork done and plan my last few days with the family. Oops did I say last few days ( last is probably a bad choice of words... Haha) I mean next few days before surgery:)

Then chemo... With our weather as cold as it is it will be acceptable to be wearing a toque.

Xoxo

PATIENCE, patience, patience...

Ummm... breathe in, breathe out. So today is a great day to try some meditation. Need to stay calm they say, absolutely no stress they say. Be relaxed so you are ready for surgery. Stress can contribute to feeding cancer and helping it grow. Ok, ok I think I understand... you need me to be calm.

Then maybe you shouldnt tell me I have a grade3 (fast growing) cancer and I need surgery asap, but wait... your surgery date is in 8 WEEKS. Say what? What? Are you sure ? I asked the doctor at our Jul 29 appt  and he wasnt happy waiting 4wks now its 8wks. So I am then told, actually the doctor is NOT happy at all. Again, stay calm when the doctor isnt happy and wants me in sooner. You are really challenging me. Is this a test, to see if I can keep myself calm, maybe thats it, its a test? No, I am told I am still listed as urgent and will be on the waitlist if something comes up sooner. Ok... I get it, I understand my challenge. I hate surprises, I hate not knowing or being preparred. My challenge to learn how to handle surprises.

Oh cancer, you really are trying to pick at my weakness and fears. But cancer you forgot once I know what I am facing then I make a plan, and execute it. Guess I know what I am doing today... eating chocolate,  oops no that is not part of my meal plan ( old habits are so hard to break). No, what I am doing today is staying CALM and looking forward to a surprise call sooner than 8wks.

Thank you Megan Ray Kowalchuk

So what do you do when they are gonna remove all your girl parts on the inside.

Duh... Get a pedicure and put sparkles on your toes.

Thanks Megan

New kind of crafting

Crafts have taken on a whole new meaning. Georgia made us all bracelets to fight sarcoma. We ordered some online too but these are SO special.

Hugs:)

Love my husband...

So lucky to have a former chef as a husband. He is using herbs he grew to make me a portabella mushroom. I once was a vegatarian for over 15yrs. Time to do it again. So John is supporting  all my changes except no meat... After all he is a born and raised Alberta boy. Georgia says... I'm with Daddy on this one I still wanna eat burgers and steak.

Clean eating... Thanks to all Monica's hardwork making my mealplan

Been to the natural food store. Look out cancer I am after you...

Back to reality...

We had a great weekend. We spent Sunday with friends at their campground and a couple family visits today. We were able to ignore reality but now back to business. Our wonderful friend has been working a meal plan to help kill cancer. We signed up. It requires clean eating, no stress, lots of rest and trying things like yoga, meditation and even praying and healing circles. A new lifestyle... Bring it!

Long weekend fun

Gonna make the most of the long weekend. How can I not with such an amazing family. Not too crazy maybe the dogpark and a daytrip to visit our friends camping. Georgia made us all yellow bracelets to fight cancer and we are making t-shirts too. We have converted her playroom into a recovery room. She has books to read me, movies for us to cuddle and watch even some stuff animals to keep me company.  Hope you all enjoy the long weekend.
Hugs, Kim

Ok lets hear it

So our Doctor arrives and he seems nice. His first question is... Do you know why you are here? There was a lump in my throat, I tried to say the words without crying but couldnt. I have cancer. He handed me a kleenex ( see nice, right?). Yes Kim you have sarcoma cancer.

There is silence as John and I wait for him to continue with the diagnosis. We are both secretly hoping to hear the words... Its no big deal and you have nothing to worry about. He instead says that with my permission he would like to remove my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, cervix, appendix and my omentum ( which is the fatty lining before your stomach). Oh and then we would like to do chemo.

Ok take a breath, let it sink in. Yes, take what you think is necessary. He says we cannot stage you until we open you up but you are grade 3. Which means fast moving and fast growing. Ouch. I then signed permission forms for surgery. Do you have any questions? Yes but cant speak yet. So off my new doctor went. See you soon in surgery, wont be more than a few weeks, you are at the top of the list and considered urgent.

John grabbed my purse and we headed to the lab to give blood. A man came and after hitting my muscles in both arms and poking 4 times on each arm we had still no blood. He sharply said please relax or I will put the IV in your hand. Oh no you wont. I had enough for 1 visit. After all I had a membership card couldnt we do this on another visit? So I left, sobbing not realizing that once my husband saw how worked up I was that he would wanna punch the guy (he didnt).

Headed home to wait and wait. We were told we would get our surgery date on Friday. So we waited and waited. Today is Friday... No call. Now we wait ( do you see a pattern starting?) until next week. Hopefully we will hear something then.

And that brings us to the title of our blog. I guess you could say our adoption journey taught us patience. You could say that BUT being patient while walking around with poison inside you is a bit more challenging.

So we start our fight and our NEW journey.

Will keep you updated.
Hugs

We start to fight

 

Well our family is on a different journey than planned. We finally got a phone call from our adoption agency that we were being considered. Our adoption journey has been so long and a lot of work and mostly a lot of patience. But in a cruel twist we found ourselves in the hospital when the call came. We were toId I was having a hysterectomy so we had to tell our social worker not to consider us at this time. 

So turns out I was too infected to operate and my hemaglobin too low so rescheduled until September. Home after 3 days in hospital to rest, recover and build blood . How does one build blood anyway? I tried beet pills, kale and spinach for breakfast, I took iron pills and waited.

Then on July 16, 2013 at 9am my gynecoligist called requestIing to see both John and I in her office asap. I said John is at work I will come alone or bring my Mom ( she had just arrived the night before and was to take Georgia to Nakusp for holiday). My Doctor insisted I had to come with my husband. Uh oh. Well we all know what came next. We were told at 3pm that Tuesday that I had sarcoma cancer. We were informed that I was now a patient of the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic. No thanks I thought, but over the next few days they called to schedule scans, xrays, bloodwork and a 4hr meet and greet. 

July 29... 8am we arrived at Tom Baker and I got my membership card. I asked why do I need this card and I was told... you will be here alot so it is easier to show your card. Where did we go wrong, when did I sign up for this, it must be a mistake. I am sure we signed up for a journey of adoption. In fact we had just finished widening our adoption and had completed all forms with the government. We had a social worker at our house going over the last details needed. We had even joined 2 support groups for adoption and started a third with the group of friends we had met at our 3 weekends of classes. Again where did we take a wrong turn and end up seated by women getting chemo with no hair, filling out forms with questions like... do you have a living will? 

Well I got to get another full exam (good times) answer several more questions then once dressed we walked down a long hallway to a room where we waited to meet our new Dr and get the details. It seemed like forever and the door was open to the hall outside, there sat several patients awaiting some form of treatment. I was amazed had these people all taken the same wrong turn we had, how long have they had their membership cards?