So we were told possibly 2wks post surgery that we would get pathology results. It is exactly 2wks so I spoke to a nurse today and she said my tumours go to a tumour board first. So that means they sit at a round table with my results and discuss treatment options. How much chemo, how soon etc. Then they call me. I have an appt for Sept 19th but like surgery that can change. So we wait...
Xoxo
I did get the ok to drive next week but only to drive Georgia to her dayhome. It is something.
Ok we are IMPATIENTLY waiting for news this week. Seems weird to say I want to start chemo but I want to keep going with my treatment. My hair and I spent some time together and decided we are ready to part ways. I have a lead in some good anti-nausea drugs, I have some blankets, books etc to take with me to treatment. So although I said my hospital vacation didnt meet my expectations I am ready to try another trip.
Georgia is so excited to start school and I am so glad. Her zest for life keeps me focused.
If I say it a million times it will still never be enough but THANK YOU. Thank you for your support and love we are so very grateful.
Stay tuned...
More exciting posts are coming soon as I am feeling better so the negative energy is disappearing.
Xoxo
So It is a Saturday night and my Mom is here visiting ( and that only happens a couple times a year) John and I really should be taking advantage of having free babysitting. This is when I say... STUPID cancer. You see I tried to get dressed in something other than pj's and put on some make up but needed my husbands help. John made us all a wonderful dinner. Then he proceeded to give me a shot ( which made me cry cause I am bruised now, he felt bad) then he had to take off some surgical tape from my insision and replace. Not fun. So today I am angry at cancer. Whew ok that is it, there is my 5min of complaining. Gotta move forward, negative or angry thoughts never helped a situation. Not used to not being able to do anything on my own and needing help. But they are doing it because they love me and I will make it up to them and everyone else.
So no real updates here, we wait and hope to hear next week. They will tell us when and how much chemo and if we are doing radiation too. So surgery... check and step 2 getting closer. I will post news when I get it. In the meantime I am sending my husband outside to drink beer with our neighbours, salvage his night.
So I am home and feeling mixed about it. You see I feel a little like Goldilocks ( I am looking nothing like her, I more resemble one of the bears) anyway... Getting home riding in the car was a challenge, poor John was driving like a senior (no offence) so slow both hands on the wheel. So once we arrive home I am hungry since I havent had solids in days but its all too something nothing tastes just right. Then I try to get comfortable but the recovery bed is too hard and the couch too squishy nothing that feels just right. So I think I just wanna go to bed ( aghhh my own bed) but our bed is too high and too soft so Georgia offers her bed which is too low. So the upstairs couch although not perfect will have to be just right for know.
I finally get to shower which was awesome. John and G holding my hand and washing my hair. Alot work to come home.
So I take my drugs and pain still there so I take another... Well the next thing you know I am so outta it I am convinced I am a ghost and we live in England and John is re-married. John is awake lying there and I still dont believe him. Then I say maybe I should go back to the hospital? I am going crazy. He says I hour at a time.
So today is better and I can find a spot to sit, something to eat and a place to lie. Georgia has gotton over how scary I look and is playing with friends and raiding the freezer for popcicles. Mom & Terry have arrived so John is not trying to juggle being a parent and a cabana boy. Actually my cabana boy is giving me needles and drugs so he is a a nurse too.
Thank you for all the support, the encouragement, flowers, food and help. We are forever grateful.
Xoxo
Ps... The pic is just stuff from hospital John is getting more supplies from walmart.
Our next journery is staple removal on tuesday. Good times.
So we will need to wait for 2-3wks to get results from pathology. We discussed the chemo being needed but no date yet. I feel better than yesterday for sure. Ways to go but am off the catheder, off the heavy drugs and had a blood transfusion so getting color back. I am gonna try to sleep cause they still take vitals every 2 hours throughout the night. Thanks to everyone. I will be home soon. XOXO
I may have misplaced my humor this last few posts but not my spirit I promise.
I am thinking I need to chat with my travel agent. This vacation sucks. Well at least the first 2 days. I still have a couple more so there is hope. I will be patient. Good news I got my cabana boy John here and a nurse. I made some friends though. I have a view or had a view I have been moved but my new room has more friends. I have been nursing a hangover of sorts from the drugs and I have a large bandage on my stomach so must of been partying it up. Don't remember alot.
Thanks for everything. I will be in touch soon.
Xoxo
10:18pm Long day.....
I just finished the long drive back to Okotoks from the hospital in the north of the city. My eyes were hurting, I'm surprised I didn't go off into the ditch..Not a big fan of the Deerfoot, less of a fan after the day I just had.
But on my way home my thought changed from Kim to Georgia and I had hopped that she had went to bed without fuss, and if story time was good.
Georgia has this book I like to read her some nights pending on what that days events were, or what the next will bring. It's called "Courage" and its great way to help a 7 year old with how to talk about swimming class today, a fall off a bike, a spelling test the next day. Or even a day before she has Jujitsu testing for a new belt.....she will need that for the boys as she gets older.
She gets it...courage.
I always thought I knew what that was. We all knew the side of the tracks I came from. But today I think I really saw it. REALLY saw it.
Today as I watched the Nurse take Kim away from me to lead her to the OR she let go of my hand and walked away....she turned to look back at me as she was going down the hall to who knows what...she was crying. She was scared, and I was furious! I almost lost it there.....I started to cry too. But what I thought of when she whent through that door down the end of the hall was how scared she must have been to walk that walk with me standing there fists clinched.
I have had 11 hours to think....about EVERYTHING.
This fight started 8 weeks ago. And she just hit a major milestone in the battle againts cancer. I have always known Kim to be tough. She would have to be, she married me. God knows I test her patience.
The Doctor called me this afternoon, to tell me in about a 90 second conversation that he cut out everything that he wanted to get out of her. But he was still unsure if it has gone anywhere else on the microscopic level where there is still a very real fear of it doing.....man cancer sucks!
He told me that she went into the recovery ward and I would see her later in the evening, he would go over everything with us on Wednesday. So I sat in the hallway and waited.....
They told me I could see her for a bit before I had to go home, the first thing she said to me was "You need to eat something, it's been a long day. You must be tired" SHE said that to ME....I held her hand I kissed her forehead and I told her I would see her in the morning as she went to sleep......
You know, I think I have a new type of story that I going to start reading to Georgia at bed time now too.
I'm going to start reading her stories about Superheroes, great courageous Superheroes. Because they are real! I believe in them, I saw one today for the first time, and she happens to be my best friend.....
Kim, I'm so proud of you, every day you fight this you get stronger. We get stronger. My best friend, my partner, my wife, my WAY better half. I love you so much. Keep it up babe, we got many more years of crime fighting ahead of us.
I will let everyone know any new details on Wednesday If I get them. Kim I'm sure will be back on here by then.
Have a good night,
Cheers.
John
Well here we go, its 1:30pm and they just took Kim into the OR area where I cant go.....Man that was hard. I dont know much right now, but we had what seemed to be a 100 people give or ask way too much information. I dont think I can remember it all, it was pretty crazy. Im told I wont hear anything until about dinner time. 6:00ish....Then I'll be taken to her unit where she will be for the next few days. So, right now I found a quiet corner somewhere on the 4th floor where I can be by myself with no noise around me. The chaos and action downstairs was alot for me. <br>
It was hard for me to see here leave down that hallway....Every time I have had to deal with emergencies she has been becide me holding my hand. 'Cause she knows how I get stressed and tence. But for now...I just sit here with my backpack and my fuit for lunch where its quiet and Ill wait...we are fighting this together today....but this time its a bit harder 'cause she is on a table somewhere and Im sitting in a hallway on the 4th floor.
Ill let you all know what happens later tonight after I get home.
For now,
Cheers.
John
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Well I am all packed and ready to head out on my vacation. Check in is 11am. I sure do hope they have mini bar. I am hungry from not eating today and by midnight no more liquids either. I understand that they have robes and nightgowns in the rooms but they suggest you bring your own footwear. I signed up for a few activities while there... I am going for a "surgery"? I guess it is supposed to be very relaxing you lie on a table and they put you to sleep, sounds good. I am trying this new diet while there... they remove several items from your inside and it helps your health, good for the skin. I thought I would treat myself with a cabana boy to bring me drinks ( I booked it last minute so might get a nurse instead, crossing my fingers though). For the first few days of my stay I don't even have to feed myself, they put it in a tube and if you like they also give you meds ( they sound nummy). I am only staying till the weekend as there are other reservations that need my room.
So just a little getaway and I will be back soon, better than ever. I will be outta cell range and will not be checking my emails but don't worry my cabana boy John will help you and answer any guestions.
Again cant take credit for the vacation idea for tonight's blog ... that is courtesy of my cousin Terry but gimme a break... I have cancer!... Not for much longer.
XOXO
Hey everyone,
Thank you should have been my title to this post but the quote from Dr Seuss was really fitting as well. I (we I think I can also speak for John) are so overwhelmed by everyone that cares an awful lot. We are grateful, thankful, humbled and so very appriciative! !!!
We have had a challenging few years- miscarriages, 1yr of failed fertility treatments, years of adoption courses and prep (only to be taken of the list ), the tragic loss of John's sister and 6months later his stepdad, then relocated his Mom. Now don' t get me wrong but maybe this cancer thing isn't a challenge... but instead a gift. I know what you are thinking, is she smoking some of that medical marijuana? No still never tried the stuff . I just think it is different this time. With all the other stuff we took it on ourselves. We didn't accept help or ask. We thought that we could do it alone but..."Unless someone like you cares an awful lot it's not going to get better it's not". And YOU all care an awful lot, we feel that so it WILL get better. Opening up to receiving is hard but " when we give ourselves permission to receive we are being told something else as well, something even more important, that we are worthy and deserving of all the love and support we need"-from a book called Ordinary Sparkling moments. Please don' t give me credit for all these quotes I am borrowing them ( I have cancer for crying out loud I can't think of them myself...haha). We just feel so loved and supported that I am having a hard time saying that this disease it all bad. Now ask me that Tuesday after they have taken my insides, I may have a few choice words for cancer then.
I would like to share some of the encouraging words we have received:
"Just want you to know that whatever happens we will be here to love and support you... Megan Ray-Kowalchuk"
"Georgia can sleep over, whatever you need, whatever you want... Alesha Manning"
" You are stronger than you know and you are allowed to be scared...Sheri Bourgoin"
"Tuesday, your surgery date, is a new beginning...Kim Armstrong"
"Your whole life and the way you view things really changes when your health is at risk... Bev Whitford"
" God remembered my address ... Kerri Burnside"
These are only a few but just wanted to say a giant thanks for the strength you are giving us. To our family, our friends and new friends...tks XOXO
I have one last quote to share before I go...
"What lies behind you and before you is not as important as what lies within you... Ralph Waldo Emerson"
Seriously beautiful right...WRONG... what lies within me is... cancer! haha gotcha , no really it is about what lies within you... what does that mean if they are removing my insides, I can tell you what lies within me... LOVE!
Whoo hoo! Thank you Dr you rock. The cancer is being removed next tuesday. I guess I am excited?
But wait as my wise friend Alesha remined me it is also ok to be scared too. Wow very relieved but next week at this time I will be gutted like a fish and in the hospital. I am so excited to remove the parts to stop this cancer and find out what else is effected once they get inside. But nervous too.
Heck make up my mind huh? Happy, sad, relieved, scared... Check all of the above. Ok gotta go get bloodwork done and plan my last few days with the family. Oops did I say last few days ( last is probably a bad choice of words... Haha) I mean next few days before surgery:)
Then chemo... With our weather as cold as it is it will be acceptable to be wearing a toque.
Xoxo
Ummm... breathe in, breathe out. So today is a great day to try some meditation. Need to stay calm they say, absolutely no stress they say. Be relaxed so you are ready for surgery. Stress can contribute to feeding cancer and helping it grow. Ok, ok I think I understand... you need me to be calm.
Then maybe you shouldnt tell me I have a grade3 (fast growing) cancer and I need surgery asap, but wait... your surgery date is in 8 WEEKS. Say what? What? Are you sure ? I asked the doctor at our Jul 29 appt and he wasnt happy waiting 4wks now its 8wks. So I am then told, actually the doctor is NOT happy at all. Again, stay calm when the doctor isnt happy and wants me in sooner. You are really challenging me. Is this a test, to see if I can keep myself calm, maybe thats it, its a test? No, I am told I am still listed as urgent and will be on the waitlist if something comes up sooner. Ok... I get it, I understand my challenge. I hate surprises, I hate not knowing or being preparred. My challenge to learn how to handle surprises.
Oh cancer, you really are trying to pick at my weakness and fears. But cancer you forgot once I know what I am facing then I make a plan, and execute it. Guess I know what I am doing today... eating chocolate, oops no that is not part of my meal plan ( old habits are so hard to break). No, what I am doing today is staying CALM and looking forward to a surprise call sooner than 8wks.
So what do you do when they are gonna remove all your girl parts on the inside.
Duh... Get a pedicure and put sparkles on your toes.
Thanks Megan
Crafts have taken on a whole new meaning. Georgia made us all bracelets to fight sarcoma. We ordered some online too but these are SO special.
Hugs:)
So lucky to have a former chef as a husband. He is using herbs he grew to make me a portabella mushroom. I once was a vegatarian for over 15yrs. Time to do it again. So John is supporting all my changes except no meat... After all he is a born and raised Alberta boy. Georgia says... I'm with Daddy on this one I still wanna eat burgers and steak.
Been to the natural food store. Look out cancer I am after you...
We had a great weekend. We spent Sunday with friends at their campground and a couple family visits today. We were able to ignore reality but now back to business. Our wonderful friend has been working a meal plan to help kill cancer. We signed up. It requires clean eating, no stress, lots of rest and trying things like yoga, meditation and even praying and healing circles. A new lifestyle... Bring it!
Gonna make the most of the long weekend. How can I not with such an amazing family. Not too crazy maybe the dogpark and a daytrip to visit our friends camping. Georgia made us all yellow bracelets to fight cancer and we are making t-shirts too. We have converted her playroom into a recovery room. She has books to read me, movies for us to cuddle and watch even some stuff animals to keep me company. Hope you all enjoy the long weekend.
Hugs, Kim
So our Doctor arrives and he seems nice. His first question is... Do you know why you are here? There was a lump in my throat, I tried to say the words without crying but couldnt. I have cancer. He handed me a kleenex ( see nice, right?). Yes Kim you have sarcoma cancer.
There is silence as John and I wait for him to continue with the diagnosis. We are both secretly hoping to hear the words... Its no big deal and you have nothing to worry about. He instead says that with my permission he would like to remove my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, cervix, appendix and my omentum ( which is the fatty lining before your stomach). Oh and then we would like to do chemo.
Ok take a breath, let it sink in. Yes, take what you think is necessary. He says we cannot stage you until we open you up but you are grade 3. Which means fast moving and fast growing. Ouch. I then signed permission forms for surgery. Do you have any questions? Yes but cant speak yet. So off my new doctor went. See you soon in surgery, wont be more than a few weeks, you are at the top of the list and considered urgent.
John grabbed my purse and we headed to the lab to give blood. A man came and after hitting my muscles in both arms and poking 4 times on each arm we had still no blood. He sharply said please relax or I will put the IV in your hand. Oh no you wont. I had enough for 1 visit. After all I had a membership card couldnt we do this on another visit? So I left, sobbing not realizing that once my husband saw how worked up I was that he would wanna punch the guy (he didnt).
Headed home to wait and wait. We were told we would get our surgery date on Friday. So we waited and waited. Today is Friday... No call. Now we wait ( do you see a pattern starting?) until next week. Hopefully we will hear something then.
And that brings us to the title of our blog. I guess you could say our adoption journey taught us patience. You could say that BUT being patient while walking around with poison inside you is a bit more challenging.
So we start our fight and our NEW journey.
Will keep you updated.
Hugs
