Round 2

So I am in the swing of things again. Adjusted to our new reality. I know what to expect from my double chemo weeks. I have learned to hybernate week 3 and am managing quite well.

We are so very grateful to our friends for knowing what kind of help we need. We were and are focusing on my treatment and health. Thank you for all the fundraising, auction and radio wish nomination. We fought the idea but wow not adding more stress to my husband is a true gift. We will be able to get our will done and pre plan a funeral. We are hoping to take a trip to Vancouver to show Georgia were Mommy grew up. Wow we really are speechless and feel so very blessed. We couldnt fight this fight without your love and support.

Lots of love and support to everyone. Xoxo

I better go I just finished first chemo and second kind is heading my way. Gonna sit back and pray its working to slow it down :)

Here we go again...

New job starts...this job is to SLOW cancer down. Did a new chemo last week it went well. Today I do another more challenging one. So I am up for it and ready. I am drinking my carrot ginger juice and waiting for my chauffer Bill to arrive.
I was not impressed to hear I have months if I do not respond. Not to say I am not trying to get some things in order but along with business I am getting my "I love you", "You were important to me", "You are special". So many amazing people to talk to and remember special times. Also a chance to create new memories and lots more hugs.

Gotta run pick out the perfect outfit for treatment. It needs to be comfy, have acsess for needles and drugs. Warm but not too hot. And of course I need to do my hair... HAHA.
XOXO

Cancer sucks... But we will not go down without a fight.

Well I will start by saying I love all of you. John, Georgia and I feel so blessed that we have had so much love and support during this journey. We so deeply appriciate everyone who has taken time out of their day to wish us well.

I was really hopeful that I would be updating with good news. The good news is... I am here today and fighting. I am here to tell you how much you all mean. I am here to tell you... Finally tell you want I need... I need you to keep it up. Please keep it up not for me for my AMAZING husband and daughter.

The cancer has spread to both lungs. There are muluple tumors. The cancer is stronger than the chemo. We are going to try 2 more kinds of chemo to slow it down. They say best case is 5yrs worst case months. That is not COOL with me. So I will keep fighting. We will know more in the next 6 wks.

In the meantime I am going to hug and cuddle my daughter then my husband. Then I will do my research on alternative therapy and fight like a bear (a Mother bear protecting her cub).

I will not be bitter and will show my family strength and give them the love they deserve. Please give your families cuddles and love.

Hugs xoxo

Bald Eagle...

Tomorrow is 3wks since my first treatment and that is how long it took to lose my hair. Kinda relieved as my head was very sore and tender and once it started to fall out it was fast. For once it wasnt the dogs leaving hair all over, it was me. It was everywhere... the sink, the floor, my clothes ... Haha it was quite funny really. So the last few strands John shaved so we could be done. Otherwise all is better. I am doing bloodwork this week and will go renew my meds. Then ready to go again on Feb 3. Luckily I am able to go to High River hospital which is much closer.

Thanks always for all the support. Hugs xoxo

Chemo....

Well my next new job has begun. Surgery...check all good. Radiation...check all good. Chemo... Just the beginning.

Did well on Day 1 and recieving the Red Devil as its nicknamed. My nurse Megan was the best. She found a vein so there was no burning. She sat with us and pushed the chemo in by GIANT needles... Crazy.

Thanks to Megan Kowalchuk for getting G to school and Alesha for the beautiful blanket.

When we got home we were good until G got home and the anti nausea drugs wore off. So I struggled and did stay in bathroom cause I was sick. All to be expected so ok. I have an amazing absolutely amazing husband so he got G organized after school made them both dinner (I was not up for eating). He got her to bed, cleaned up after me ( the puke bucket). He had to be super careful and use gloves since its poisin for the first 48hrs. He made me mint tea took me up to bed along with gingerale, crackers and love. Not the evening in bed that movies are made of. But let me say... I never felt so loved.

So they say days 4-7 are the worst so its take things day by day for now. Most importantly 1 treatment down whoo hoo.

Hugs and thank you for your continued well wishes. I am a tough kid so I will get thru. Xoxo

No hair Don't care (ok I care a little)

So hair is gone and although G cried she did the majority of shaving. A big thanks to Lawna who came to the house and helped G do the shaving herself. Thanks to Megan for the wonderful earrings, scarves and hat. We were so lucky to have Grandparents here to occupy G it really helped her and us. G has been rubbing my head and is waiting till it is completely gone. Sometime over the next 2 wks.

I have worn my blonde wig out a couple times but who knew so hot (interesting when you are also dealing with hot flashes). Was supposed to be getting my brown wig fitted today but too nauseaus and groggy so maybe next week.

Funny story... John picked out a black hairpiece for under hats. Its his favorite. We were being treated to dinner before Brian and Karen left. So G decided to help me get ready so we could surprise Daddy. We did my make up and combed out the long black hairpiece then she picked a hat to go over. We were so excited for Daddy to get home from work so he could see his wife looking good. As we are about to head downstairs... Snap... The hairpiece breaks and the hair falls to the ground. Can't say that has ever happened...haha

Asked G to give me a minute cause thought one or both of us might cry. Then I put on dark red lipstick, big earrings, the blonde wig and then rocked it down the stairs. Just apart of the journey I guess.

Hugs and as always thanks for the amazing support.

No Hair

So I have wrestled with this one. I was told without a doubt that I will lose my hair. I am ok with that, usually. It seems it can be painful so we have decided that we will buzz my hair on Sat, Dec 28th. Thought we would do it when John was off and when G was preoccupied by her Grandparents. It was also suggested the eyelashes, eyebrows will fall out in a couple weeks so G will have time to adjust to my bald head before that happens.

G seems ok with the idea but is thinking ahead and asked if I could wear a wig on her birthday so her friends dont laugh. Poor kid.

It has challenged me a bit too. And I will admit when someone say... "It is just hair" I want to scream. Its easy to say if you arent faced with losing it. I have never had short hair and not only will I be bald for at least 6months it will take a year before I will even have a pixie cut and years before it will be the length it is now. Hair is apart of your personality.

That being said I am taking this opportunity to teach my daughter that I have the confidence to stand proud. Hair or no hair. I want to show her style in other ways. Well not everyday cause hats will be a staple in my wardrobe but when I am up to it.

The positves, well there are many... No more coloring my greys, no hat head, no blow dryer or straightening iron. I will save money on shampoo, haircuts (wont need them) and time... Way less time to get ready.

So I am going to buy some hats, learn how to tie a scarf, shop for a wig and try to rock my new bald head.

Thank you for your love and support. Hugs xoxo

Progress...

We are making progress. I completed the 5wks of daily radiation and as of this Wednesday I will also have completed 3wks of internal radiation. Whoo hoo!!! I will admit I feel like I was violated but its all for a good cause. Do to some bad roads John and G came with me to treatment last week. I have gotten pretty comfortable in the hospital (and walking around in a hospital gown) but it was hard for them. G got car sick on the way home. Poor kid it is such a long drive.

During the blizzard last week I was lucky to be scheduled for my heart tests at a closer hospital. Kinda funny cause I drove thru a blizzard so my heart must have been a little elavated...haha. They take blood from you then mix it with radioactive material wait 20min then put the blood back in you. They took me into a room to discuss the procedure and sometimes keep you calm if you panic about getting the radioactive blood put in. I laughed... I am already radioactive and have been for weeks. Its all good, think I made them feel better about procedure...haha.

We are so happy that we have our first chemo date. It is Mon, Jan 6th. John will go with me. My body needs to recover a bit from all the radiation and so happy to do that during the holidays while we are surrounded by family and friends.

We have 3 friends and a family member who have lost someone to cancer this year and another friend with a family member battling. They will be facing the holidays without them. We are thinking of them at this time and counting our blessings that I can wrap my arms around my family and celebrate the season. Christmas blessing has taken on a whole new meaning.

Please know we are so thankful for all of your love and support. I will continue to fight hard as we head into this next step. Its gonna be a quick 6 months I hope. And with this crazy cold weather I will act like a bear... And hibernate.

Hugs xoxo

Remembrance

Update... I realized that is has been almost a month since I have posted anything. The good news is I have completed 19 treatments so far. So that means 6 more external then we move on to internal. The internal can only be done once a week so it will take 3 wks to complete. We then begin chemo. Crossing our fingers that they will wait until after Christmas but happy to start whenever they choose. I am still driving and it takes 3hrs a day (the drive is 2hrs) and they said I can still drive with internal. I have been listening to Katy Perry's new song "Roar" on my drive, love it! I also listen to classical music to get me mellowed out before getting to the hospital so I have been given the gift of music again. Trying to remember what it is giving me (this disease that is) instead of what it is trying to take away. It definately challenges me and my family but we are determined to fight hard. However I said I would treat this as my new job, I am doing that and I do arrive on time and am taking the suggestions from the medical team on how to deal with side effects. Honestly though this is far from my dream job... really far (haha). I miss my old job. It really is work, the side effects are the part I dont enjoy but I am sure every job has a down side. Oh ya they don't pay me at my new job. That is a downside too... haha I really should have asked more questions in the interview.

Today is Remembrance Day and as we remember I think of the battles they fought and realize what I owe them... the chance to fight another day. Thinking of the family we have lost and honoring those that continue to fight. What a gift we have been given all because of others sacrifices.  Freedom.

Hugs xoxo

Radiation begins...

Good Morning,
It feels like a good morning for me, treatment begins. So as I see it this is like starting a new job. Essentially I have a new job and it is Cancer. There are some simalarities to my actual job and this "new" one such as the drive. Actually I much prefer driving to Priddis , the scenery is amazing and it is so peaceful abd only 40min. The daily drive to the hospital is 1.5hrs and well... the scenery is traffic. If I were at my other job I would be drinking coffee  but here at Tom Baker I drink this contrast water ( kinda like chlorine). If I were at Priddis I would be paying the bills and recording payments, here at Tom Baker I am waiting for forms to be signed by doctors. So although  there are some simalarities there are also some differences. For instance at my "real" job I am expected to dress business casual here at Tom Baker I spend  most of my time  naked. Yes I know you are thinking...what kind of job did I say I had? It is Cancer, leave your dignity at the door...haha. So my job descriptions are also quite different... at Priddis I take care of A/R, A/P, all cash processing, answer phones and process all grats for staff. New job... I get treatment, manage side effects, stay positive, exercise and eat healthy.

So you see it was just like starting any other new job, I picked out an outfit to wear, packed my lunch and water bottle and headed off. Yes if I am being honest I am a little nervous ... but who isnt when they start a new job ( or when they are radioactive... haha). But really I am exciting cause I am fighting and will apply the same hard work and dedication to this job as I do my real job. I will show up early, and do what needs doing all with a smile on my face.

So I must get back to work as this is my lunch break and I need to get back to work.

I appriciate all the support , hugs xoxo

Results are in...

Thank you everyone for your support it has and continues to mean so much to us. It was a very long day and I apologize for not posting last night but after getting home we crashed. Our goal was to be healthy enough to do treatment and that is what we are. I was given a diagnosis of Stage 2 and that means we can do treatment. I knew because it had spread before surgery and so quickly that we were not stage 1 but there was a possibility that if it spread in the last 5 wks again that it would be stage 4 that was a fear but did not happen. Yay!!!

After 3 yes 3 internal exams ( not sure how that was for my husband to witness) from my oncoligist, the head radiologist and a student since it is a teaching hospital. Then they discussed options of treatment but first our Dr told us he was happy to say no new growths. Whewwwww. John and I took a breath for the first time in weeks, months really.

The cancer is still there but on a microscopic level. Sarcoma is tricky and likes to hide and attach so yes there is a risk if it attacking again so we are attacking it agressivley with treatment. They as John would say are going after it "all gunz a blazin". Next week I get more Ct scans, bloodwork, etc then I begin the next battle. I will do 5 wks of daily external radiation then 1 wk of internal radiation followed by chemo every 2 wks for 6 months. Over 7 months of treatment... Look out cancer. Alot of zapping should beat it and kill it. Cant say I will miss it once it is gone. Say goodbye cancer we are going in for the kill.

The treatment also kills healthy cells so there will be side effects but good news is eventually health cells will repair themselves. So I will keep as healthy and rested as possible. I will deal with things as they come. I know I will be exhausted and I may lose my hair, my nails, I may sleep some days all day but hair grows back and so will I. I will be better and stronger than ever.

Although we will never know the future we now know that we can plan one. Whewww!!! Yes we had to discuss and plan for a stage 4 diagnosis too and although it was painful it was necessary. It gave us the chance to discuss  living our life and dreams. What we wanted for our family. A second chance at life really.

We knew that it was going to be a marathon not a sprint. I have healed well from surgery and  will bounce back from treatment just as succsessfully. Thanks to the love and support we have recieved.

Xoxo

Today I am off to get a tooth pulled, the dentist couldnt touch me till I stopped the blood thinners.

Our vision board

We are focusing on keeping positive. We made a vision board today. We included HEALTH as a focus but also included some other really important visions. We put FAMILY, home, travel with visions of Las Vegas and Disneyland and closer to home Vancouver and interior BC. We added Triumph, Long Life, Happiness, Laughter and Celebrate. For fun we also added... Millionaire, cash & prizes figured it couldn't hurt... Haha.

Then we decorated for fall which was entertaining and good for some laughter too. See we decorated with some hay bales and plastic pumpkins then realized today was a windy day. Hay and pumpkins all over... Haha. We made a craft about giving thanks. We are going to add a new thank you everyday. We will post a thank you Thursday after our appt... Thank you for good news, fingers crossed. Now to get my Doctor, Nurses and Patholigist on the same page as us. I can be very persuasive... Just ask my husband. :-)

So much living, loving and giving for us to do and such a wonderful future ahead. We are creating a new path filled with happy memories.

Thank you to our family and friends for your support.
Hugs xoxo

NEW date

Got a new appt date for next Thursday. Thanks to Heather and Dayna for helping out.

We stayed focused and positive today by doing another Terry Fox walk at Georgia's school. G took off running, I walked it was so awesome everyone was doing the run/walk and students cheerleading all along the way. After there was a band, and a party at the school. It was the perfect afternoon.
Thanks to my amazing daughter for her positive energy. Thanks to Charlotte for walking with me and Myra for running for me at her school.
So very blessed I am.
We were able Hugs
Xoxo

FRUSTRATED...

So I was to finally get my results tomorrow. I have kept busy all week trying to get to Thursday... Then I get a call today. Appointment for tomorrow is cancelled. What? I went to a healing touch appt yesterday and tried to keep busy today. I am starting to go crazy waiting for results. Need to know what we are facing. But no control so... We WAIT. I will keep positive do some meditation and wait. Aghhhh. Ok that was my vent. Cannot be stressed or feel stressed so I will move forward.

Thanks for the support.
Hugs:)

Times like this...

This weekend is the Terry Fox run. We are doing it. Although we were not given the ok to run since it is too soon after surgery. We are going to walk the 2k. He was truly an inspiration and he was 1 man trying to make a difference. I remember Mom and I doing the Terry Fox run after Dad died and the feelings even as a kid about what he  (Terry Fox) accomplished, how amazing. When explaining my cancer to Georgia she seemed to understand. Then one day she overheard me on the phone saying I had sarcoma like Terry Fox. When I got off the phone she said Mommy... Are you going to die like Terry Fox? Hard question for a little girl to ask and me to answer. But instead we talked about what Terry Fox did, what he accomplished for cancer research. We talked about how we can make a difference in the world and how miracles can happen. Kids learn about Terry Fox journey every year and they participate in the run. It has been taking place for over 30 years. So important to share stories of heros with our kids. I think it helped her understand our diagnosis.

So our family will walk tomorrow to help us believe and show our daughter what miracles look like.
Xoxo

Believe in miracles... Terry Fox did

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItYWA5BGe40&feature=youtube_gdata_player

The link is not working but if you go to you tube and search Terry Fox it is the Times like this video it is about 5min long. It is motivational and amazing. He spent the last years of his life raising awareness. Unbelievable.

Another try...

So I sadly posted awhile ago about my anger at cancer and the fact that it stole my opportunity to go out with my husband. I refused to let it win. My Mom left on Sunday so on Sat we sent G out with her grandparents and John and I went out for dinner by ourselves. I still have a hard time getting comfortable so we chose a restaurant with soft chairs ( also good food). Dinner was awesome and it was so nice going out the last time was in April. We thought lets go to a movie too. While by the time I slowly walked back to the car and spend forever getting in my seat we knew the movie would have to wait. One step at a time.
We have the choice. I have the choice to be angry (which I have been sometimes) or I can choose to just accept it and make the best of it. I choose to make the best of it.
Cancer has changed me already, not just by the inside (or scars on the outside), it is changing me. It has made me worry less... Ok well more specifically have less fear. Which is ironic cause I am worried and fearful about the cancer. I am less fearful about living my life. If you think about it I never used to post on facebook or request friends or even "like" a status. I kept to myself. But thanks to cancer ( I know weird to thank cancer) I am participating in life with my families and my friends.

Thank you as always for being such a source of strength, support, wisdom and for just being there.
Hugs xoxo

Our weekend

Well we tried to keep busy this weekend. We ( John) picked the veg from the garden then made pickles.This was John's second year with a garden and it is amazing. A wise cousin of mine reminded me to keep busy and that will help time pass. So we made snack bags for Georgia to take to school. She colored the butterflies and we both had fun doing something together. We made 35 cause we had no idea how many kids in her class.

Georgia had testing with juijitsu and got her orange belt. Whoo hoo. She really wanted to have her hair cut to her shoulders so we started by cutting 5inches off. It was at her butt so she needed it cut. We also had a fashion show courtesy of Georgia. She picked out school outfits for two weeks put them on hangers with shoes and headbands for each outfit.

See very busy. Felt like a normal weekend. Felt like a healthy normal person. Forgot for a moment that I have cancer... Then my husband came at me with a shot. Ouch ok it was nice while it lasted.
Hugs xoxo

More waiting...

So we were told possibly 2wks post surgery that we would get pathology results. It is exactly 2wks so I spoke to a nurse today and she said my tumours go to a tumour board first. So that means they sit at a round table with my results and discuss treatment options. How much chemo, how soon etc. Then they call me. I have an appt for Sept 19th but like surgery that can change. So we wait...
Xoxo

I did get the ok to drive next week but only to drive Georgia to her dayhome. It is something.

Week 2 post surgery

Ok we are IMPATIENTLY waiting for news this week. Seems weird to say I want to start chemo but I want to keep going with my treatment. My hair and I spent some time together and decided we are ready to part ways. I have a lead in some good anti-nausea drugs, I have some blankets, books etc to take with me to treatment. So although I said my hospital vacation didnt meet my expectations I am ready to try another trip.

Georgia is so excited to start school and I am so glad. Her zest for life keeps me focused.

If I say it a million times it will still never be enough but THANK YOU. Thank you for your support and love we are so very grateful.

Stay tuned...
More exciting posts are coming soon as I am feeling better so the negative energy is disappearing.
Xoxo