No Hair

So I have wrestled with this one. I was told without a doubt that I will lose my hair. I am ok with that, usually. It seems it can be painful so we have decided that we will buzz my hair on Sat, Dec 28th. Thought we would do it when John was off and when G was preoccupied by her Grandparents. It was also suggested the eyelashes, eyebrows will fall out in a couple weeks so G will have time to adjust to my bald head before that happens.

G seems ok with the idea but is thinking ahead and asked if I could wear a wig on her birthday so her friends dont laugh. Poor kid.

It has challenged me a bit too. And I will admit when someone say... "It is just hair" I want to scream. Its easy to say if you arent faced with losing it. I have never had short hair and not only will I be bald for at least 6months it will take a year before I will even have a pixie cut and years before it will be the length it is now. Hair is apart of your personality.

That being said I am taking this opportunity to teach my daughter that I have the confidence to stand proud. Hair or no hair. I want to show her style in other ways. Well not everyday cause hats will be a staple in my wardrobe but when I am up to it.

The positves, well there are many... No more coloring my greys, no hat head, no blow dryer or straightening iron. I will save money on shampoo, haircuts (wont need them) and time... Way less time to get ready.

So I am going to buy some hats, learn how to tie a scarf, shop for a wig and try to rock my new bald head.

Thank you for your love and support. Hugs xoxo

Progress...

We are making progress. I completed the 5wks of daily radiation and as of this Wednesday I will also have completed 3wks of internal radiation. Whoo hoo!!! I will admit I feel like I was violated but its all for a good cause. Do to some bad roads John and G came with me to treatment last week. I have gotten pretty comfortable in the hospital (and walking around in a hospital gown) but it was hard for them. G got car sick on the way home. Poor kid it is such a long drive.

During the blizzard last week I was lucky to be scheduled for my heart tests at a closer hospital. Kinda funny cause I drove thru a blizzard so my heart must have been a little elavated...haha. They take blood from you then mix it with radioactive material wait 20min then put the blood back in you. They took me into a room to discuss the procedure and sometimes keep you calm if you panic about getting the radioactive blood put in. I laughed... I am already radioactive and have been for weeks. Its all good, think I made them feel better about procedure...haha.

We are so happy that we have our first chemo date. It is Mon, Jan 6th. John will go with me. My body needs to recover a bit from all the radiation and so happy to do that during the holidays while we are surrounded by family and friends.

We have 3 friends and a family member who have lost someone to cancer this year and another friend with a family member battling. They will be facing the holidays without them. We are thinking of them at this time and counting our blessings that I can wrap my arms around my family and celebrate the season. Christmas blessing has taken on a whole new meaning.

Please know we are so thankful for all of your love and support. I will continue to fight hard as we head into this next step. Its gonna be a quick 6 months I hope. And with this crazy cold weather I will act like a bear... And hibernate.

Hugs xoxo

Remembrance

Update... I realized that is has been almost a month since I have posted anything. The good news is I have completed 19 treatments so far. So that means 6 more external then we move on to internal. The internal can only be done once a week so it will take 3 wks to complete. We then begin chemo. Crossing our fingers that they will wait until after Christmas but happy to start whenever they choose. I am still driving and it takes 3hrs a day (the drive is 2hrs) and they said I can still drive with internal. I have been listening to Katy Perry's new song "Roar" on my drive, love it! I also listen to classical music to get me mellowed out before getting to the hospital so I have been given the gift of music again. Trying to remember what it is giving me (this disease that is) instead of what it is trying to take away. It definately challenges me and my family but we are determined to fight hard. However I said I would treat this as my new job, I am doing that and I do arrive on time and am taking the suggestions from the medical team on how to deal with side effects. Honestly though this is far from my dream job... really far (haha). I miss my old job. It really is work, the side effects are the part I dont enjoy but I am sure every job has a down side. Oh ya they don't pay me at my new job. That is a downside too... haha I really should have asked more questions in the interview.

Today is Remembrance Day and as we remember I think of the battles they fought and realize what I owe them... the chance to fight another day. Thinking of the family we have lost and honoring those that continue to fight. What a gift we have been given all because of others sacrifices.  Freedom.

Hugs xoxo

Radiation begins...

Good Morning,
It feels like a good morning for me, treatment begins. So as I see it this is like starting a new job. Essentially I have a new job and it is Cancer. There are some simalarities to my actual job and this "new" one such as the drive. Actually I much prefer driving to Priddis , the scenery is amazing and it is so peaceful abd only 40min. The daily drive to the hospital is 1.5hrs and well... the scenery is traffic. If I were at my other job I would be drinking coffee  but here at Tom Baker I drink this contrast water ( kinda like chlorine). If I were at Priddis I would be paying the bills and recording payments, here at Tom Baker I am waiting for forms to be signed by doctors. So although  there are some simalarities there are also some differences. For instance at my "real" job I am expected to dress business casual here at Tom Baker I spend  most of my time  naked. Yes I know you are thinking...what kind of job did I say I had? It is Cancer, leave your dignity at the door...haha. So my job descriptions are also quite different... at Priddis I take care of A/R, A/P, all cash processing, answer phones and process all grats for staff. New job... I get treatment, manage side effects, stay positive, exercise and eat healthy.

So you see it was just like starting any other new job, I picked out an outfit to wear, packed my lunch and water bottle and headed off. Yes if I am being honest I am a little nervous ... but who isnt when they start a new job ( or when they are radioactive... haha). But really I am exciting cause I am fighting and will apply the same hard work and dedication to this job as I do my real job. I will show up early, and do what needs doing all with a smile on my face.

So I must get back to work as this is my lunch break and I need to get back to work.

I appriciate all the support , hugs xoxo

Results are in...

Thank you everyone for your support it has and continues to mean so much to us. It was a very long day and I apologize for not posting last night but after getting home we crashed. Our goal was to be healthy enough to do treatment and that is what we are. I was given a diagnosis of Stage 2 and that means we can do treatment. I knew because it had spread before surgery and so quickly that we were not stage 1 but there was a possibility that if it spread in the last 5 wks again that it would be stage 4 that was a fear but did not happen. Yay!!!

After 3 yes 3 internal exams ( not sure how that was for my husband to witness) from my oncoligist, the head radiologist and a student since it is a teaching hospital. Then they discussed options of treatment but first our Dr told us he was happy to say no new growths. Whewwwww. John and I took a breath for the first time in weeks, months really.

The cancer is still there but on a microscopic level. Sarcoma is tricky and likes to hide and attach so yes there is a risk if it attacking again so we are attacking it agressivley with treatment. They as John would say are going after it "all gunz a blazin". Next week I get more Ct scans, bloodwork, etc then I begin the next battle. I will do 5 wks of daily external radiation then 1 wk of internal radiation followed by chemo every 2 wks for 6 months. Over 7 months of treatment... Look out cancer. Alot of zapping should beat it and kill it. Cant say I will miss it once it is gone. Say goodbye cancer we are going in for the kill.

The treatment also kills healthy cells so there will be side effects but good news is eventually health cells will repair themselves. So I will keep as healthy and rested as possible. I will deal with things as they come. I know I will be exhausted and I may lose my hair, my nails, I may sleep some days all day but hair grows back and so will I. I will be better and stronger than ever.

Although we will never know the future we now know that we can plan one. Whewww!!! Yes we had to discuss and plan for a stage 4 diagnosis too and although it was painful it was necessary. It gave us the chance to discuss  living our life and dreams. What we wanted for our family. A second chance at life really.

We knew that it was going to be a marathon not a sprint. I have healed well from surgery and  will bounce back from treatment just as succsessfully. Thanks to the love and support we have recieved.

Xoxo

Today I am off to get a tooth pulled, the dentist couldnt touch me till I stopped the blood thinners.

Our vision board

We are focusing on keeping positive. We made a vision board today. We included HEALTH as a focus but also included some other really important visions. We put FAMILY, home, travel with visions of Las Vegas and Disneyland and closer to home Vancouver and interior BC. We added Triumph, Long Life, Happiness, Laughter and Celebrate. For fun we also added... Millionaire, cash & prizes figured it couldn't hurt... Haha.

Then we decorated for fall which was entertaining and good for some laughter too. See we decorated with some hay bales and plastic pumpkins then realized today was a windy day. Hay and pumpkins all over... Haha. We made a craft about giving thanks. We are going to add a new thank you everyday. We will post a thank you Thursday after our appt... Thank you for good news, fingers crossed. Now to get my Doctor, Nurses and Patholigist on the same page as us. I can be very persuasive... Just ask my husband. :-)

So much living, loving and giving for us to do and such a wonderful future ahead. We are creating a new path filled with happy memories.

Thank you to our family and friends for your support.
Hugs xoxo

NEW date

Got a new appt date for next Thursday. Thanks to Heather and Dayna for helping out.

We stayed focused and positive today by doing another Terry Fox walk at Georgia's school. G took off running, I walked it was so awesome everyone was doing the run/walk and students cheerleading all along the way. After there was a band, and a party at the school. It was the perfect afternoon.
Thanks to my amazing daughter for her positive energy. Thanks to Charlotte for walking with me and Myra for running for me at her school.
So very blessed I am.
We were able Hugs
Xoxo